Friday, April 29, 2011

Thursday Octave of Easter and More

I went to Saint Patrick’s earlier than I was thinking I was going to, but that was because I stayed near the bus-stop that I needed to be at. When I finally settled in the normal spot I sit for almost all Masses, I began to think a lot and wrote in what I consider my all-around Catholic journal. I thought a lot about how sometimes I am a little too honest and it can bother people that I am honest especially dealing with modesty, because being a plus-size woman I do not like revealing everything to the public and I do not believe any body type should, but that is my opinion and I am not going to get into that because I wish not sound like a nagging woman, which I know I can be a lot if given the chance on certain things.

But, I also thought about the depression (I have post-traumatic stress) and how it affects me especially lately. I wish to talk to Camille and my spiritual director because you see I have gone to therapy and it has never worked really and not because I try it is because they treat you really like a group case really, and you not different from others, and they honestly put you on some type of meds really quickly thinking it will help (should tell everyone it never did for me). As I thought upon that I am constantly reminded of what Jesus endured on Good Friday and every time I think of that I honestly start to think I can pull through because I cannot hold on to this self-pity crap when the Lord when through so much for ME and for others.  So, I must keep up with the prayers and examine really myself more, but please if anyone would please pray for me through this for I need it.

Today the celebrate of Mass was Fr. Gregory, I am finding he hits a cord for me with almost every homily he has given in the past time he has been at the parish, and he is a newly ordained priest, I hope that his homilies never cease to hit the cord. One of my favorite quotes was: “You do not need faith to believe Jesus was man, and you do not need faith to believe Jesus was God, but you do need faith that Jesus is both God and Man.” Something that has always I think bothered the minds of all Christians, but if they see through the eyes of faith, they see, even if they cannot fully give a manual of what is going on, they know the Truth. Jesus is Man and God and He never was just Man and He was never just God either, He is both and is the Christ.

One my other favorite quotes were, when he opened their minds to ‘Understand Christ’ through Scripture it meant “Understanding Christ is where Christ is on every page”. He fulfilled all that was prophesizes and said of the Christ, so it reminded me of what my Daddy said to me when I said I was becoming Catholic and though he is not Catholic he told me, “Read the New Testament and then the Old Testament for then you will see the fulfillment of Christ.”  

After Mass I stayed after to recite the Rosary which is always done after Mass at Saint Patrick’s. There are two older parishioners who I pray for, especially the elderly lady for I fear she has many health issues and they recite the Rosary all the time. It was nice for once reciting the Rosary with a community and not alone like I have been doing, even if I like when I am alone.  Once we finished reciting the Rosary and the prayers that the parishioners add at the end the two elderly parishioners thanked me for staying for the Rosary, I told them thank you for reciting the Rosary. The Rosary is a powerful tool in prayer; it is literally a mediation of the Life of Jesus through the eyes of His Mother. I have always like the Rosary and found that it really helped with my understanding of Jesus’ ministry and even more how much suffering He went through and how much His Mother went through and how she was to become our Spiritual Mother, which I am every grateful for really.

I left Saint Patrick’s and went back towards OSU Main Campus to meet up with JR, while I waited for JR I had some lunch and really hated my computer at the time, it is getting old and I feel it is coming time to get a new one, which I am thinking looking at renting from Rent-A-Center or something, I know there is interest, but I mean if I plan say $50 a week or something, I do not think it would kill me so much, it doesn’t help that I am thinking of getting another job, I mean so I do not know. Just need to start pulling things off of here so they are with me and not lost forever you know.

Around 3pm finally JR and I met up and we started off to go pick up Camille for tonight was 20s Group. Once we picked up Camille we went towards Polaris and we first went to Kroger and then after not much of twisting arms we ventured down to Lane Byrant, which is my favorite store because I can actually find things in my size and though it is pricey I can buy a few things at a time and then wait for clearance, literally sometime I can get out of there with four outfits for under $100.

At Lane Byrant I found a lot of new things that I would love to have, sometimes I wish I had the ability to just advance paychecks or something so I can buy as much as I want, but oh well cannot have everything, right? Out of it all I got technically four outfits (because you can switch the shirts and pants) and thanks to Camille she bought one of the shirts, which I am every thankful for. The one thing Camille is trying to literally to get me to do is to expand on my colors, for live for black and do not go for anything else, so she literally got me to look at other colors I could not look at black at all. It was difficult because I just never think colors work for me, but in the end she won out I got a new green shirt and a dark sky blue shirt and two pairs of crops. One of the things I told her next to do is to get my hair re-layered and trimmed, and soon I have not gotten it cut in over two years, I like the length I just want it changed a little, no color added to though, I hate thinking of dying my hair.

I think the best part of Lane Byrant was they started up that if you buy $50 worth of stuff then you get a $25 off a $50 purchase coupon for a future date, I got two, almost three really. I think if I talk to Camille and JR I could go to Lane Byrant next week and get $50 again of clothing or something and get another coupon.

We left Lane Byrant to go to Red Lobster (even if I am not able to eat seafood, they at least have chicken and steak). We did a good job not to kill our budget because I know I hate doing that, I thank Camille for paying for most of the dinner that night, and I owe her.

20s Group started with Holy Hour at 7pm, which was wonderful, moments to stay calm and just speak to the Lord in silence, which I think soon parishioners who are not part of 20s Group will come to Holy Hour and that in turn I believe is great and amazing and all are welcome to join us for Holy Hour. That is my opinion and that might bring more who are in their twenties (or late teens and early thirties) to want to come to the actually part of the meeting.

This Thursday was Gospel Study and it was for the Gospel Reading for this coming Sunday, which is Divine Sunday and the beautification of Venerable John Paul II. This reading is one of MY FAVORITES. It is about Doubting Thomas; I can identify with Thomas so much because he did not believe unless he saw and so many including myself at one or have always never believed in anything unless we saw it with our own two eyes no matter what. Doubting Thomas is that relating to others who do not believe that Jesus has risen.

After 20s Group the trio as I call JR, Camille, and I discussed this reading because we were not in the same groups (they were in the same group, I was sent to the other) and I said, “Camille you know this is my favorite story.” And she replied, “That was what I was thinking because it was one of the stories that really helped you during your conversion.” It is true, I went to an Adult Bible Study at Camille’s home parish and that was one of the stories that were discussed and out all of them that was my favorite.

Well, that is all from Thursday, sorry if it was short and not very in detail like I normally write, but maybe next time.

Break Down and But It

After looking at something every moment that I have walked into the Barnes&Noble and everytime I have walked away saying, “Maybe another time”. Well, I broke down and bought it. Many would wonder what it is, well it is all seven novels of Jane Austen’s in one book, and the print is not that small either and it only has 1278 pages, something I know some of my Daddy’s books are in length.

I have been wanting to own this because for me to have them all in one book helps with reference, but also just so I can keep more room for more books really. (I know funny right, but when you have a grandmother who loves to remind you that you should get rid of all your books, the fewer amounts of books you have the better off you are, if you get my meaning.)

I am a huge Jane Austen fan and knew I would never own all seven novels because certainly some of her novels are more popular than the others and so trying to get them would take some time, and I want good copies none that literally use up my time explaining their opinion of how she wrote or why she wrote the way she did. Personally, I rather see what I know of what the author was writing about. I am forever learning more of my own of what authors (classic authors) are trying to show through their writings. 

For my Daddy’s favorite saying to me about literature and those who like to dive WAY too much in it (which I have done before, but only for certain pieces not all mind you), “Blake wrote a poem about taking a crap, so you reading about someone taking a crap, not how he viewed his time, so read it to enjoy what you are reading.”

And sometimes I feel he correct because we as a society I truly do believe this put a modern touch of what these authors were writing about because we feel that is how they felt, when really we do not know how they thought because we have put such a modern touch to it. Many of those who read Jane Austen’s books they proclaim feminism, when quite frankly just like Abigail Adams never promoted anything other than showing the world that there are bright and intelligent women in the world, but never wanted to become superior to men, no they wanted equality, Abigail Adams received that from her husband who listened to her most attendivelty and never made her seem dumb in her views of things.

I am going through a rant, when I did not want to, sorry to all those who actually read these entries. I tend to ramble a lot because I am so passionate about the subject matter and find that I am radical in my ideas of how history and most certainly literature should be viewed. Not too radical mind you, but I do hate revision historians, they do nothing, but tick me off a lot, but they want to plot conspiracies and many other things that just bore students and just make them think those who teach history. If you wish to revise history, then KEEP the TRUTH in….argh.

Good Friday and Easter Vigil

I am so sorry this is so late, with everything going on and just plainly, I have been tired and no internet connection, so though this is late, I hope many will still read this entry and the next few ones coming through.

Good Friday, was interesting for me, truly it was. Woke up after Camille woke me telling me that I slept through the alarm, for I was getting up early to call JR to wake him up. I felt really bad that I never woke up to it. Everything in the morning was going great; Camille and I got us ready with praying the Office of Readings and Morning Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours. She even French braided my hair, which I miss her and really anyone doing that to my hair, because I never really do much with my REALLY long hair.

Camille was right when saying God shows us that today His Son has died, it was raining pretty much all that day. We got to Saint Patrick’s around 11:30am and that to my lovely adoptive grandmother Camille and I were not soaked to the bone (for it was my fault I did not have an umbrella, left it at home).

It was more packed this Good Friday than the past two years I have participated in Good Friday at Saint Patrick’s. But, thanks be to God I got to sit in my normal spot, I actually feel comfortable where I sit, which is up front, I think that is because it is the closest I can be to the Altar unless I received communion, than that is the closest. Walking in to the chapel (that is what I have always called where the Altar is at) it was so bare and yet, not as how can I say like a morning/joyful day, because they did not cover the Virgin Mary nor Saint Joseph; it might they do not have any material to cover them up. Even with that, the most profound part was the emptiness of Lord in the Tabernacle and Altar stripped, like Jesus was stripped of His clothing.

I saw many of the Friars who were wearing their black capes, which is part of the tradition of the Dominican Order. It is so beautiful, but I kind of wish they would wear them more often, which a good chunk of them do actually. As a tradition at Saint Patrick’s the Dominicans would say the Seven Last Words of Jesus, this year they had three brothers from the House of Studies participate in this tradition, while this gave more time for the Friars to listen to more confessions.

Here is where the kicker comes in, remember when I said I wanted to take the pain from my Uncle, well Jesus decided Good Friday would be that day. It was probably about 1pm or so, I was having a major headache, that came from no where and I was going in and out pretty much consciously; Camille knowing that I have a problem with my sugar going pretty low if I do not constantly have some type of sugar wanted me to take her card and get something to eat, because for health reasons I needed it. I did as she said and found out the closest store was closed that day, I looked up and said, “Really, for the first time this place is closed”.

I literally after giving her card back and trying to sit there and not look like I was going to pass out I got up and walked around the parish. I have to mention this, I am so happy that speakers were placed in the gallery because it echoes throughout the parish center, where I literally finally passed out because I hit my head on the couch arm rest, no joke.

Around 2.44pm I woke up still with a headache and having trouble getting up, but I got up and came back to the spot where I sit, Camille was getting up to find me, because she got worried. At that time there were A LOT of people at Good Friday’s 3 o’clock service, which I was more in conscious than out, thank you Lord for that. I think what stuck me for the service, (yes I should clarify that it is not Mass for there is no consecration, for that was done during the Lord’s Supper the night before) was the homily said by Fr. Thomas OP. “How was it that a carpenter had to die, and I was given eternal life” I am paraphrasing what he said, but he pointed out that He died for us to bring us back to the Father. As I watched and listened to Fr. Thomas I noticed he was speaking and you could see the tears in his eyes, which I have never seen him do before, he was passionate because this was the day Jesus died, that He died for us, to bring us life and dead with sin.

As always with Good Friday is the veneration of the Cross, which was a little different, they used the gate at the communion rail to hold up the Crucifix and to kiss either the feet or the wounds of Christ you had to kneel, which was beautiful and I loved very much liked more. But, one of the fondest memories was of this little boy who was so excited to kiss the feet of Jesus (he was about three or four) that as he knelt he knocked his forehead on the feet instead, he was made of rubber for he lifted up and knelt down again and kissed the feet and smiled and giggled that he got to kiss the feet. Kids do and say the most interesting things really.

After the service JR met up with Camille and I (due to school he could not join us). Camille knew that I needed food and we all decided to go to Bob Evans and have dinner. I tried to eat and drink as much as I could, but the headache would not go away, and I did not know why so, the decision of Camille and JR we did not go back to Saint Patrick’s for the rest of Good Friday activities, which I was not very happy about because I missed it last year too.

Finally when I was in the car I was passed out again, which was unkind I believe for Camille and JR, even more so to JR for I missed him terribly and wanted his comfort that whole day, but the Lord knew I needed to go home and JR is too understanding.

Now the kicker of the headache and everything, my Uncle was doing much better that day, he ate a whole ham sandwich and a full bowl of soup. I think I said to Camille at Bob Evans before about next time I say I shall take the suffering of someone else I need to ask the Lord to be kind to my poor head, for I need it to function, but either way I gave a true thanks to God for allowing me to take some of the suffering and my Uncle was able to eat something and have confidence to eat.

Easter Vigil has become that tradition for JR and I now and that is because last year he was so impressed and in awe with the Vigil Mass. I will not spoil the surprise, but as Fr. Gregory, OP had said in his homily this Easter Vigil, “so no one can be unaware of what we are celebrating”.

Eight people were baptized and one came fully in communion with the Church. It was beautiful for last year there were no baptism, but many coming in full communion, and this year it was the opposite. “Each of their stories is taken up to the mystery of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ” as Fr. Gregory state as well in his homily. Fr. Gregory did an amazing job with his homily there are two quotes that I love that I want to rewrite from his homily.

“Passing through the waters to be taken away from the slavery of sin” and “taste the sweetness of this night of grace, the sweetness of the sacraments, the sweet joy of His resurrection.” It is true that night and this whole week, is a time to taste the sweetness of all the sacraments for He has Risen and he took the heaviest and most grieved punishment; original Sin and our backs were always away from the Father, when He wanted His children not show their backs, love Him with arms open.

I bubble up with joy as I think about the Easter Vigil and I pray that my children will feel that bubbly feeling of sweet joy for the Lord and what He did for us.

He has Risen, Alleluia!

Good Friday and Easter Vigil

I am so sorry this is so late, with everything going on and just plainly, I have been tired and no internet connection, so though this is late, I hope many will still read this entry and the next few ones coming through.

Good Friday, was interesting for me, truly it was. Woke up after Camille woke me telling me that I slept through the alarm, for I was getting up early to call JR to wake him up. I felt really bad that I never woke up to it. Everything in the morning was going great; Camille and I got us ready with praying the Office of Readings and Morning Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours. She even French braided my hair, which I miss her and really anyone doing that to my hair, because I never really do much with my REALLY long hair.

Camille was right when saying God shows us that today His Son has died, it was raining pretty much all that day. We got to Saint Patrick’s around 11:30am and that to my lovely adoptive grandmother Camille and I were not soaked to the bone (for it was my fault I did not have an umbrella, left it at home).

It was more packed this Good Friday than the past two years I have participated in Good Friday at Saint Patrick’s. But, thanks be to God I got to sit in my normal spot, I actually feel comfortable where I sit, which is up front, I think that is because it is the closest I can be to the Altar unless I received communion, than that is the closest. Walking in to the chapel (that is what I have always called where the Altar is at) it was so bare and yet, not as how can I say like a morning/joyful day, because they did not cover the Virgin Mary nor Saint Joseph; it might they do not have any material to cover them up. Even with that, the most profound part was the emptiness of Lord in the Tabernacle and Altar stripped, like Jesus was stripped of His clothing.

I saw many of the Friars who were wearing their black capes, which is part of the tradition of the Dominican Order. It is so beautiful, but I kind of wish they would wear them more often, which a good chunk of them do actually. As a tradition at Saint Patrick’s the Dominicans would say the Seven Last Words of Jesus, this year they had three brothers from the House of Studies participate in this tradition, while this gave more time for the Friars to listen to more confessions.

Here is where the kicker comes in, remember when I said I wanted to take the pain from my Uncle, well Jesus decided Good Friday would be that day. It was probably about 1pm or so, I was having a major headache, that came from no where and I was going in and out pretty much consciously; Camille knowing that I have a problem with my sugar going pretty low if I do not constantly have some type of sugar wanted me to take her card and get something to eat, because for health reasons I needed it. I did as she said and found out the closest store was closed that day, I looked up and said, “Really, for the first time this place is closed”.

I literally after giving her card back and trying to sit there and not look like I was going to pass out I got up and walked around the parish. I have to mention this, I am so happy that speakers were placed in the gallery because it echoes throughout the parish center, where I literally finally passed out because I hit my head on the couch arm rest, no joke.

Around 2.44pm I woke up still with a headache and having trouble getting up, but I got up and came back to the spot where I sit, Camille was getting up to find me, because she got worried. At that time there were A LOT of people at Good Friday’s 3 o’clock service, which I was more in conscious than out, thank you Lord for that. I think what stuck me for the service, (yes I should clarify that it is not Mass for there is no consecration, for that was done during the Lord’s Supper the night before) was the homily said by Fr. Thomas OP. “How was it that a carpenter had to die, and I was given eternal life” I am paraphrasing what he said, but he pointed out that He died for us to bring us back to the Father. As I watched and listened to Fr. Thomas I noticed he was speaking and you could see the tears in his eyes, which I have never seen him do before, he was passionate because this was the day Jesus died, that He died for us, to bring us life and dead with sin.

As always with Good Friday is the veneration of the Cross, which was a little different, they used the gate at the communion rail to hold up the Crucifix and to kiss either the feet or the wounds of Christ you had to kneel, which was beautiful and I loved very much liked more. But, one of the fondest memories was of this little boy who was so excited to kiss the feet of Jesus (he was about three or four) that as he knelt he knocked his forehead on the feet instead, he was made of rubber for he lifted up and knelt down again and kissed the feet and smiled and giggled that he got to kiss the feet. Kids do and say the most interesting things really.

After the service JR met up with Camille and I (due to school he could not join us). Camille knew that I needed food and we all decided to go to Bob Evans and have dinner. I tried to eat and drink as much as I could, but the headache would not go away, and I did not know why so, the decision of Camille and JR we did not go back to Saint Patrick’s for the rest of Good Friday activities, which I was not very happy about because I missed it last year too.

Finally when I was in the car I was passed out again, which was unkind I believe for Camille and JR, even more so to JR for I missed him terribly and wanted his comfort that whole day, but the Lord knew I needed to go home and JR is too understanding.

Now the kicker of the headache and everything, my Uncle was doing much better that day, he ate a whole ham sandwich and a full bowl of soup. I think I said to Camille at Bob Evans before about next time I say I shall take the suffering of someone else I need to ask the Lord to be kind to my poor head, for I need it to function, but either way I gave a true thanks to God for allowing me to take some of the suffering and my Uncle was able to eat something and have confidence to eat.

Easter Vigil has become that tradition for JR and I now and that is because last year he was so impressed and in awe with the Vigil Mass. I will not spoil the surprise, but as Fr. Gregory, OP had said in his homily this Easter Vigil, “so no one can be unaware of what we are celebrating”.

Eight people were baptized and one came fully in communion with the Church. It was beautiful for last year there were no baptism, but many coming in full communion, and this year it was the opposite. “Each of their stories is taken up to the mystery of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ” as Fr. Gregory state as well in his homily. Fr. Gregory did an amazing job with his homily there are two quotes that I love that I want to rewrite from his homily.

“Passing through the waters to be taken away from the slavery of sin” and “taste the sweetness of this night of grace, the sweetness of the sacraments, the sweet joy of His resurrection.” It is true that night and this whole week, is a time to taste the sweetness of all the sacraments for He has Risen and he took the heaviest and most grieved punishment; original Sin and our backs were always away from the Father, when He wanted His children not show their backs, love Him with arms open.

I bubble up with joy as I think about the Easter Vigil and I pray that my children will feel that bubbly feeling of sweet joy for the Lord and what He did for us.

He has Risen, Alleluia!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Holy Thursday

I have decided that when writing about the three most important days in Catholicism, I would write individual entries for each of them. So I hope everyone will understand.

Holy Thursday is the start of the Sacred Paschal Triduum, the three most important days of the year. Thanks to my supervisor I got to have the three days off (thanking her often when I see her next), so after I got out of work at 6am I went on a bus to downtown to meet up with my fiancé, JR to have breakfast. It has become our routine that every Thursday to meet up and have breakfast together.

After our breakfast together I went and found a spot to just sit and surf the internet a bit, especially since now I have gotten into reading blogs more now than ever, especially Catholic blogs. It keeps me up-to-date with what is going on in a Catholic perspective. So, thank you Catholic bloggers who write and promote the faith.

Around 1030am I was back on the bus going towards Saint Patrick’s, my home parish, because I was thinking in my head, “I have not gone to Daily Mass at all this week, I could go today”.  Nope I totally forgot that there is only an evening Mass. Thank you to the Dominican Friar whom was kind enough to remind me, and no look at me like an idiot.

So, Fr. Gregory, OP said to me after telling me the bad news that I could if I would like pray in the chapel or because for once it was a good day that I could just sit outside, all I had to do was let him know and he would unlock the parish doors for me. I was most gracious and looked at him and said, “Father, I believe I will stay outside and mediate here, but thank you.” He smiled and went on his way because the Friars have so much to do in so little time.

I sat there in front of the door, near where Jesus was located and began to mediate and I began to also write down some of my thoughts, which though it is somewhat unedited I am going to copy down for readers to read, I forewarn that this part of the entry might be grammatical incorrect, so please forgive me.

Dear Lord,

I sit outside the doors of the Church, writing to You. Not of shame, never, just taking in a kind day. I should kneel down on the entrance way and pray, but then my knees would be shot. How then would I be able to kneel and show the love and glory that is Yours?

It is Holy Thursday as You know and it reminds me of the suffering You went through the next day. I could never fully know the pain You endured. I am sicken by how much pain You endured and so many disregard what You have done for us all, not just me.

Suffering is a word I am most familiar with. Most recently I have been dealing with a type of suffering that I would like to take on so to take away the suffering of someone dear to me. Lord if You will it let me take upon the cross that is Darrell’s. I have done it before let me do it again. I know many will tell me the risks, but is it not true that Mary said “fiat” even though she knew of what would happen to her beloved Son? Could I not in turn say “yes” to the risks?

Lord I know I am rambling a bit, but comes with me one who is constantly thinking more than one thing at a time. But, today there is very little action in my head, because I can only thing of Your suffering and the suffering of my great-uncle. You know what I want to say, even if I never write them down.

Lord, You do use me as Your instrument, I am ever happy to comply. Thank you for Your infinite wisdom to allow me to keep talking to the gentlemen, for now his confession will be heard. (A/N: When I was writing there was a man trying to get in the parish thinking that his confession could be heard, as I told him about it just being an evening Mass and confession would be heard that evening Fr. Gregory was coming out of the parish doors and in turn said, “I could hear your confession”. It was a moment that I smiled and said a few thanks.)

I wonder what my true vocation is in life, I am exited when You just reveal peeks from what my vocation is to be. But only when I see You face to face will I know my vocation in whole.

That is all I wrote, it was more like ramblings, but then again, most of my letters to the Trinity have been ramblings. Still I ended it there because I was unable to write down more. I decided then it might be time to go to the Red Roof Inn, for my godmother, Camille and I were to stay the night there for JR would not be able to take us home for we (Camille and I) were doing something until midnight and he needed to go home to sleep for he had an early class.

I checked into the Red Roof and yeah wow, I love the Red Roof I had reservation at, it was nice and yet silent really, in a busy downtown area and it was walking distance from Saint Patrick’s (number one plus). I just pretty much put my stuff I had packed away and then I got myself ready for next part of the day.

Later on JR came to the Red Roof to get ready and we then picked up Camille at her job. When we all came back to the Red Roof Camille got ready and then she and I went to eat our dinner (for JR already ate and was tired and so I told him to take a nap while we went to eat, he complied, but I know he would of rather went with us). Camille and I went to Max and Erma’s and we did a great job how fast we ate because we were out of there by 6.18pm I believe. We got JR up and then we went to Saint Patrick’s.

It was packed at Saint Patrick’s and I must say I have never seen it packed that much in the now three years coming to Saint Patrick’s. The Lord’s Supper has always been amazing to me, it was the first Mass, Jesus knew He would not be with us for He was to die and be raised, in the Eucharist He is always with us.  “For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the death of the Lord until He comes.” (1 Corinthians 11:26) The washing of feet was always amazing to me as well, for He was God and He washed the feet of His disciples as a slave would have washed the feet of their master. He is as I remembered reading from one of my friend’s blogs “the servant of all”.

Once the Mass was “concluded” the Holy Eucharist is transferred out of the chapel and into Patrick’s Hall where the parishioners and Friars sing the Pange, Lingua until He is placed in tabernacle of reposition. After some quiet prayers and walking JR to his car and saying goodnight to him, I went back into the parish to meet up with a small group from 20s Group who were going to do something new that even Camille has never done, go on a seven church tour.

 What is that you ask, well it is where you go to seven parishes before midnight and pray in front of the Eucharist. James, our secretary called the seven parishes in the downtown area and asked the times they would be locking their doors. Here are the parishes we went to: Holy Cross, Scared Heart, Holy Name, Saint Francis of Assisi, and Holy Family (there was one more, but they were closed by the time we got there).

My favorite parishes we went that I highly liked that I would love to go again were: Holy Cross and Sacred Heart. Holy Cross is the oldest parish in Columbus, but the oldest Christian Church in all of Columbus as well. When you walk in you are blown away by the interior, I would love sometime to get a full on tour there and understand what everything is, the walls are painted with scenes from the New Testament. Oh I wish I had pictures to show you the beauty of this parish, maybe someday I will.

Sacred Heart I loved for two reasons. One, is the Eucharist was transferred to a small little chapel that entrance was located at the left side of the altar. It was a tiny chapel with a confessional and maybe eight pews on either side that could fit maybe twenty people in the room at a time. Second thing was when praying in front of the Eucharist at Sacred Heart, Jesus presented himself to me in a way He has been for the past few weeks, I saw through the white cloth the face of Jesus that is has been beaten and tortured.

I know many and even myself have said that it is just my eyes playing with me and yet, I cannot truly say it was my eyes because I mean I did not always see it at every parish, just at a few and even then it was when the Eucharist was right there in front of me. Jesus tends to show himself to me during Adoration too, but always of the Sacred Heart of Jesus or Divine Mercy Jesus, never the tortured face that has blood running down His face, the thorns piercing His skin, the bruising of His face, O Lord how You suffered for us!

After going all through downtown we all came back to Saint Patrick’s and was there for a Dominican tradition that I have not witnessed until this year, where they read if I am correct the Gospel of John Chapter 17. We came during the reading of the Gospel, I sat there and looked at where Jesus was and I again saw something, but not the face, not Divine Mercy, nor the Sacred Heart, but the Crucifix and I know it is not engraved on the surface of where Jesus was. It was amazing and yet, made me wonder what He is trying to tell me. He will tell me in time, for I trust in the Lord.

About four minutes before midnight Fr. Michael OP came up towards tabernacle wearing the piece of clothing that he would wear during Benediction and he took out the Eucharist and covered the Eucharist with the cloth and took Him away. At that moment I felt as if Jesus was being taken away from the Garden and lead to the Chief Priests. The tabernacle was empty; a profound moment was that I acknowledge He was not there and felt my heart ache for Him. That moment has stuck with me since.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Just a great start of the week

These past few days have been good and certainly God has graced me with these days. I have learned a lot in just a few days of not only myself, but also about other people.


Sunday was a special day for it was my little sister’s thirteenth birthday. It was heart-breaking to think my little girl was thirteen when I remember her as a little bundle being held in my arms. I remember us singing Blue Clue’s songs and teaching her that apple juice is good. I cried as I laid there next to her as she slept (for she stayed the night where I am living) and looked at her and thanked God for her. My little girl is growing up and I just hope with many prayers that she grows up as a wonderful and humble young lady.

My little sister was surprised early that morning with my Godmother and best friend coming to Mass with us. Mass was wonderful to have my Godmother, my fiancé, and my little sister to celebrate the greatest gift of all, Jesus Christ. It was the last Sunday of Lent before Holy Week. The Homilist of the Mass was a visiting Dominican Friar who would be giving a Lecture on the new translation of the Mass. The homily was beautiful and one of my favorite lines from the Friar was: “God does not need to grow and improve, but we do”.

During Communion, my little sister was given a blessing from the celebrate of the Mass, which you could see my little smiling, but still yearning for Our Lord. She wants so badly to join in full communion with Jesus and His Church, but our mother is forever stubborn and using one experience as the reason of hindering her child yearning. I ask everyone pray for my mother to open her eyes and feel the love that God has on all His children.

After Mass, my fiancé left the parish to go on a bike ride (as he put it “too nice of a day to not go for one”) and us three ladies went to my Dominican Third Order Novice class, which focus was on prayer. It went well, and got some more great reading materials to look over and digest and mediate upon. Then we all went to the Third Order meeting.

Once Vespers was finished my fiancé picked up us all and we went to Steak n’ Shake for dinner. It was fun and a good time. My little sister said she had a good day and I really hope she did. We dropped off her and then the trio went to my Godmother’s house. We took a walk afterwards and just spent time talking about the things that just needed to discuss, and random talks. The one thing I know we talked about was my learning of saying “no” to my little sister and how I treat her, which I have learned to get better than a few years prior.

Monday was a BIG day, it was my birthday. Well, it is my Church birthday, for two years on that day I was baptized and received in His Church. It is hard to imagine that just two years ago it happened, that I was reborn in grace and the devil had no hold on me. I have learned so much since that time and am fully aware of the love and mercy of God and what sacrifice Jesus did for us men. I spent the day either sleeping (due to I had to be at work 10pm-6am and I worked Sunday 10pm-6am), reading, or praying. I did renewed my bapistimal promises (as I will do again during the Easter Vigil) and as I said them I felt a calm over me and I was able to sleep peacefully. Thank you Jesus for a lovely day to be celebrating my redeem soul.

Well that is all that happened in the past two day, I am sorry it was not as elaborate as I normally write, but for some reason after writing something else my thoughts are not as clear. Well I am going back to read “God is Love” by Pope Benedict XVI.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

20s Group: Bowling Night (Thursday)

On Thursday the dynamitic trio was back in action and how great it was to experience that again. JR, Camille, and I went to bowling alley that the 20s Group was meeting up at for our meeting (because the Bishop was at our parish for Confirmations, so literally the Bishop kicked us out, no kidding). We decided to go there early because we knew would not be able to stay after 9pm, so we got there around 5:44pm.


This bowling alley was great; they had a great deal where you can play for three hours plus rentals for $15 a person, which I consider a great bundle. We three decided that was a good choice for us. I need to let everyone know that I was never good at bowling, but knew how to bowl due to my grandparents who were in a bowling league at one time and so I remembered something of how to bowl well.

That night I shined for the first time because for three hours the three of us played six games and I got seven strikes and seven spares, which was pretty good for the girl who always got the gutter balls. I think possibly the best thing for me was the atmosphere between Camille, JR, and I. I had not felt like for awhile. I felt like laughing and having a good time and teasing more so then I have as well. I think both JR and Camille both noticed this.

The only thing bad was that even though I thought more of the 20s Group members would be there, there were only six of us that came. But, that is alright I guess because it gave me time to spend it with my godmother/best friend and fiancé/ best friend. JR did best both Camille and I in a combine six game score though and he had the least of strikes and spares.

Thinking way to much keeps you from sleeping, no joke

The last time I wrote I believe I wrote something to effect that I have an awful time trying to sleep because I think absolutely too much. Well here I am around 4:30am and I am still awake. There are just too many thoughts in my mind and I cannot get them to go away. So, I am going to listen to a friend’s advice and write them down.


The first thing that pops into my mind is something that happened in the past twelve hours. I was at work and I was checking out this customer who was holding her little son (who I think was at least three, maybe) and she mentioned something about how she was going to make sure her son will be the perfect gentlemen and etc.

But, what furthers my interest was she something about having him going to St. Andrew’s and teaching him the love of God. I said something that I have always said when I know someone is Catholic, “you never know he might one day want to devote himself totally to God and become a priest” and you should have seen the look on her face when I said that. “That is going too far,” she said, “I want grandkids.”

It was in that moment that a memory came back to me. “I always thought it was interesting that married Catholics would pray for vocations, but always at the end of their prayer they would say ‘just not my kids’” that was a quote by a Dominican Friar who I am admire quite well and that woman was that example.

It might sound cruel of me, but I find that woman very selfish. I would never do that to my children, for I want them to discern what God wishes them to do in His Church. I will not hinder their devotion to God under my selfish act of wanting grandchildren. I will not hinder the love that they wish to show unto Jesus and His Church because I want them always able to be with me.

That woman and young boy are going to be in my prayers.

Second thing, you all have heard the term, “sticks and stones may break my bones” right? Well I heard this saying randomly as I was walking home from work today around 12:30am. When I mediated on the words, I began to think how these words seem to reflect the martyrs. For was it not true that sticks, stones, fires, animals, scourges, gas chambers, gunshots, swords, and etc was what the martyrs endured for Truth that was Jesus Christ? How true that saying goes, that “sticks and stones may break my bones” but as the martyrs did they prayed for those who harm them, for “they do not know what they are doing”.

In my humble opinion if I wanted to say something about those who hate my faith, the teachings of the Church, or anything that is Truth I would say: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but never will that stop my prayers for you”.

Jesus had said, “To love thy neighbor” but also “to love thy enemies” how true would it not be that I should pray for those who would stab my faith, stomp on it and constantly scourge me, for they just do not know how they in the end are hurting themselves and they exposing their flaws, their sorrows, their anger, and I am not the one that is the problem it is their unhappiness. I must pray for them always, no matter how much they harm me.

Friday, April 1, 2011

I think way too much but can never write much

I have learned quite simply that I think absolutely too much. I say this in regard to my constant problem to sleep at night (or morning sometimes due to work). I cannot seem to let go of the thoughts in my head. At worst is there just seems to be no way of getting them out of my head some days. I think that God allows that for maybe the reason I need to contemplate the thoughts more to ripen them and be able to say with confidence that I am thinking this. Then again it could be that I am so scared and terrorifed that my thoughts are stupid that I keep them in and the Holy Spirit is trying to tell me that “no they need to be spoken”. One can never tell, but neverless I am ever thankful to God for blessing me the grace to think as deep as I do.


Where did this come from? Well, quite frankly (people who know that part of the quote did I make you finish it. Do not worry a co-worker this morning said, “Free at Last, Free at Last” and I literally without missing a beat said, “Thank God Almighty we are free at last”) I started having this happen when I was little and would lay in my toddler like crib and those few memories I had were of just laying there and thinking and I would have no reason to think.

The mind, no matter what anyone says, is beautiful and literally amazing and so complex. But, the best part is to examine each persons’ mind many found it to be unique, and that is God’s grace and that is why I thank Him for it. So, what was I thinking today that cause this entry to be written, it would probably be the fact I had just watched the rest of the documentary of Mark Twain. When I was younger I actually read “Tom Sawyer” but that has been over ten years or so. Listening to the quotes of Mark Twain from his letters, journals, books, and newspaper articles I have a desire to read his works again.

But the kicker of the documentary is about his dark years with of the tragedy. I felt so sorry for the man who was a genius in the arts of writing the spoken language. I understand cruelties of death can do to a human, but why blame God? I sat there and thought about myself in my childhood and through those dark years I wondered did I ever blame God. I kept thinking and you know what happened? I found myself saying literally a flat out “NO”. It is hard to explain and every harder to not give details of my past (which as this time I do not want to discuss) and so I can say I am going to be difficult at justifiy how I could just say no.