Friday, December 30, 2011

My Response to Jennifer Fulwiler's Entry

Credit to: St. Joseph Providence
Jennifer Fulwiler is one of my favorite bloggers, if you cannot tell with my list of recommended blogs to read. I really find a connection with her and it might be that we are converts, and majority of the time what she has wrote about I can really question and think about. And that is what happened today while reading one of her latest posts on the National Catholic Register. (Shown Here)

What had begun all this was her last questions: "Do you think the vocations crisis is the result of fewer men and women being open to God's call to religious life, or the result of fewer worldly payoffs weeding out those who aren't serious? In general, do you think that there is a smaller percentage of serious believers in today's Church than there were in other eras?"

Quite frankly it is a very difficult question to answer, but I think by my experience in what little time since my conversion I feel I am not the right one to answer, but I do wish to response with my thoughts. So, I ask those to forgive me if I make no sense. Thank you in advance.

First, I have seen in the recent years a growth in priestly and religious vocations since I decided to listen to God and come home, I think for me it just was never exposed until then.Because it is not exposed to us who were once in the secular world only thought there was a decease, and that there were not any serious believers, but a minority. If you step away from the secular realm you can see that there is more than what you thought was there.

I will say that Jennifer has a point that there isn't a mass amount discerning in those two vocations and that is due to there are no worldly payoffs; really in my mind the secular world and sometimes even parents (think about how many of them wish to have their children with them to the hips and with how few children are being born, but I digress) has placed ideas in those who hear the call but don't answer because they are told otherwise. Are they bad Catholics? No. Are they not serious enough? No. But, would we like them to answer that call and do what in the end would be better for them? Yes.

There are few examples in my experience where I know this is the case. Take for example the Dominican Order, especially the Providence of Saint Joseph, just in the past two years there has been an increase in discernment into the Order. Let alone in 2009-2010 there were TWENTY-TWO men who discerned into the Order. Of them I believe 17 remain, that is double of what the Order is use to receiving in a yearly basis. It was not just the men who saw increase, but the women, too. Both religious communities, Dominican Sisters of Saint Cecilia and Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist had in 2009-2010 at least 20-22 women discern to become religious.

But, I have seen a downside to this, while those two communities are strong in apostolic, there is another aspect to the Dominican Order and that is Prayer. If anyone doesn't know Saint Dominic and the founding of the Dominican Order, Saint Dominic began with women, founding a convent of cloister women, for he believed that defend the faith there must be warriors of prayer. There I have not seen a huge increase, but I have seen those thinking of going into the cloister communities and other religious Orders thriving (look at Mother Angelica's community). If you expose those who to hear the call I expect they will not allow the secular world or anything get in the way. I think of one of my patrons who is one portion of my religious name in the Dominican Laity, Blessed Diana d'Andalo when she was exposed to the call of her vocation she did not let anything stop her, for even when she was physically locked up and injured she was emotional and mentally willing to discern her vocation as a Dominican Nun.

All in all, did I answer the question? In a sense I did, but maybe it was not explained in the best possible way. I hope that people will response to not only my blog entry, but Jennifer Fulwiler's too. Please do!

God Bless,
Nikita, OP

The New Year Resolutions

I was going through my Google Reader and saw something The Anchoress wrote (see entry here ). It made me think about what my resolutions would be and why. I thought about it for awhile and this is what I came up with and hopefully I will work on entries throughout the year to see if I am keeping to my resolutions.

First one would be to finally get through the New Testament, it is something I have wanted to do since my conversion. How can you defend the teachings of the Church without the backing of where the teachings come from, which is Sacred Scripture.

Second, keeping up with my prayers (Liturgy of the Hours) and devotions (such as the Rosary and Novenas). I have been lacking a little with this because of issues with life, but not doing this daily my days turn pretty sour.

Third, take more walks or just going outside. Sticking myself inside does not help me at all, I am coming to terms that I am needing fresh air.

Fourth, becoming more social in the manners of inserting myself in conversations and not allowing myself to think it is not worth it.

Fifth, to write more in my blog, I want to be able to express myself more fully, but also blogging is a great way for me to defend and speak what I understand and know. To do this will in turn I hope help me in the long run with inserting myself into the world, but yet not be of the world.

Sixth, to write my stories out even just rough drafts, this includes my conversion story.

Seventh, write more hand-written letters, for I love getting letters in the mail, and in turn I need to write more out.

Eighth, to read more books, so I can beat my Daddy's record which if I am correct is close to five hundred or more.

Ninth, to have more self-confidence and raise my self-esteem, this is one of those essential things that I need to work on, while others I could do another year, this one thing is not going to happen unless I push myself to do something about it.

Finally, to go to Daily Mass more often, hopefully with my great-uncle getting better, I can do what I use to do which is go to Daily Mass once a week. It helped me a lot with getting out and just letting things go, when they needed to be let go.

Are there resolutions that you have in mind for 2012?

God Bless,
Nikita, OP

20s Group's Christmas and New Year's Party

It was our first ever Christmas/New Year’s Party, we had a good group of people there. I can say that I now wish I did not eat dinner before I arrived for Adoration, because there was food at the party….bad Nikita.


I did mingle, but not so much that would be as I told one person who I know Alyssa, I just feel that sometimes if I feel I cannot contribute in the conversations I will just walk away. (She caught me after I sat down and was starting to read a book Camille gave me for Christmas). It is very true actually, I will feel that I should just not insert myself and will then crawl back into a corner.

Either way the party was good, spent a good time just catching up with people of the 20s Group. One thing that did get me shocked was that Mary, the president of the group lent me a book (it is called “The Outlander”) and what I did not know is that she actually did not lend it to me, but in fact gave it to me. I was shocked, but overall excited because now I can re-read it again and highlight what I find interesting (which I do that a lot with many of my books).

JR and I left the party around 9pm-10pm, I think, I cannot say what time. We came back to my house and said Night Prayers together. He is still learning how to pray the Liturgy of the Hours, but it takes time. Which I need to point out tomorrow is the feast of the Holy Family. Hopefully, in the next few hours I will have an entry about this feast day.

God Bless,
Nikita, OP

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

One negative equals writing down three positives…

That is what Camille said in this morning conversation before we began our prayers. I guess I really worried her because I just would not text her back (well I did maybe once), nor would I answer her phone calls when she was able to talk to me during her work hours. The last time that happened I felt stupid for calling.


Anyways, the conversation came down to what I wrote in the title. That I should write down one negative thought I have and then write down three positive thoughts. I would like to try this, but I would say that I would see that I would have good positives and still not feel any better. Does that make any sense?

She reminds me that I need to save the last text she sent me when I do not understand how special I am to her. I kept the text, but doesn’t help that I feel my main issue is I am just not use to having friends that want to be around me and stick around me even after a year.

To have friends who wish to know me personally not just chit-chat at school or just online (which a few friends there are exceptions) . Camille tells me that I in returned gave JR and her great gifts by being their friend (to her a sister and goddaughter to him a fiancé).

I just don’t know what I have given them in return, except this depressing decay I call myself (which I know I am not always depressing, but you know what I mean).

Hopefully, I can be better and talk better to those who I consider friends, those dear to me, and not worry if I will have friends.

God Bless,

Nikita,OP

P.S. I know JR is going to kick my butt because I never went to bed.

Reflections on a early Wednesday Morning

It is literally 12:39am and I am not asleep, why some might ask, well I am not even for sure right now. I had a wonderful time with my fiancé, JR whom made me dinner. I like when he makes dinner because I know in future years he will not get to do that often with going into the Navy.

But, my favorite part of the night was just holding his hand, letting all those bad thoughts go away. I did not have to think about any of that, just JR holding my hand. I actually did say a little prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord for showing me that love existed for me.


It could not be helped that yesterday was our 30th month together and on January 8th it will be exactly one year since he asked me to marry him in the Mercy Chapel at the convent of the Dominican Sisters of Mary, Mother of the Eucharist. It is amazing to think that JR would stay that long with me, with everything I exposed to him and how much crap I have put him through. But, I think that is where I am reminded of how much he loves me. I truly thank God for that too.

It is because of this knowledge that I started listening to some love songs I grew up with. It is silly, but I wanted to dance around the living room and sing the top of my lungs with the music. It is a “Sound of Music” moment I call it. I swear I should have been born during the Golden Hollywood time because it would not be so weird to sing out loud or go see a musical. :D I am thinking I will be having some of these songs played at my wedding reception.

Because I feel I should rant about this, I am really upset with one of my presents, Kingdom Hearts II for it will not work for me. My little brother, Ryan said he will return it and then get another Kingdom Hearts II even if it means getting it brand new (which I wonder is there any?). I was so excited to play Kingdom Hearts II since I have not played the game since July 2009. Oh well, guess I can wait a little longer.

God Bless,

Nikita, OP

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

When the snow begins....instead there is rain.

I am utterly tired and I have no idea why. I have also been ignoring my dear friend, Camille. It is probably I am ignoring her calls because I feel that I am just bugging her and making her feel she has to be around me so I do not want her to feel that way. I might also be tired because I am still recovering from not sleeping that much last week. Maybe I am still stuck in that rut, but won't admit it.

I recently began reading a book that Camille got me for Christmas. The title is called, "Inner Peace" which has excerpt from another book. I am liking it already, but I am not giving my full opinion of the book, until I finish it. Which reminds me I need to write again on the Three Bookish Girls blog, because I am failing to update as much as I would like.

I wanted to write on this blog what I got for Christmas for I forgot to in the last one. So, here we go. Christmas Eve at Granny's I received: PlayStation 2, Kingdom Hearts 2, PlayStation memory card, one white blouse, one back skirt, socks, knee high hose, three spiritual books, a pair of boots, "The American Patriot's Almanac", and Thundercats shirt. Christmas Eve with my Daddy I received: PJ's, 2 new tops, three books of my favorite poets, and 2 DVDs. Christmas with my Mom I received: Paint Your Own Dream catcher, Plastic Candy Cane filled with M&Ms, and a laptop. Over at JR's Aunt's house I received: A check ($20), Bath&Body Works lotion, hand sanitizer, and body wash, and 2 $25 gift cards to Lane Bryant. Finally from JR's mom I got a brand new OSU shirt.

I still have presents from my stepdad's family, but since I was unable to go they are with my mom. I feel bad because it unfair to not see family that even had the ability to get you something. My stepdad's family and I are on tight thread because I cannot stand being compared to the other granddaughter who is the same age as I. I for a few years just let it slip by me, but after I would hear it constantly, I could not feel I could be around the family very much. Is that wrong of me?

Yesterday, JR and I went to Polaris to use our gift cards. It was fun, but I feel that I might of been a bitch towards JR when I should of been more understand and having a glorious time. It only happened after we left the store where I got my gift cards from, and that was at the end of our shopping day. The rest of the night went well as I expected.

Today we are going to see each other again, this is the most we have seen each other in a long while. It is wonderful, but I am wishing I could call Camille, but I am not wanting to, if that makes any sense. Well, I fear I will end this with a reminder that in five days I will be celebrating my 24th birthday.

Today is another rainy day and I am praying to God for a birthday miracle that I get some snow. The rain is depressing me.

Oh, and before I forget please pray for a dear friend of mine whom I met this past year. He was discerning with the Dominican Order and just today I got word from him that he feels he is not called to be Dominican Priest. Pray for him as he goes through his discernment to figure out what God is calling him to do.

God Bless,
Ms. Nikita, OP

Monday, December 26, 2011

Merry Christmas


I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Since my last entry, I have improved in my mood, there are multiple reasons for this one of the reasons is Fr. Michael, OP the pastor of St. Patrick's parish, but is also Spiritual Director for the 20s Group decided that it would be nice since there were few of us and it being the last week of Advent that during Holy Hour to hear Confessions as well.

What a blessing and I thanked God for this little answered prayer. I had wanted to go to Confession, but just had not had the time to go. Thanks be God for that wonderful gift. (That reminds me to write about something, but I will do that later)

Christmas was very good, I got to spend with my families and got wonderful gifts no matter if it was just a hug and love. I will say the best part of Christmas was when my fiance, JR opened his Christmas presents from both Camille and I. We got him Volume One and Two of the Liturgy of the Hours. His reaction was not expected. He began to cry and was I wanted to cry, for he said to the effect that he would never deserve such a wonderful gift.

I will blog more later, but wanted to write a little and say, Merry Christmas, hope the next ten days of Christmas will be wonderful for all of you.

God Bless,
Nikita