How long has it been.

I think it has been far too long since my last entry, but there were reasons and just every time I felt the urge to write the entry, I would lose the words and unable to think how to explain what was going on. I mean I started six entries and deleted them all. It was just a difficult time for me, and my family really.

So, question is, what happened in those two months that caused the hiatus with writing? Well, on May 13th was going to his doctor's appointment and the doctor told him to go to the hospital because there should no reason for him to this sick. So that day my uncle was take to the hospital ER.

To put a long story short, my uncle is really bad off his bowel has explored and he was so low in nutrition he bad was shutting down. So, for the past two months he went from SICU to specialty wing to a nursing home. There are many details I am refusing to post on here because I do not have permission from my uncle and since we feel there is a Mal-practice the less amount of information posted online the better.

The worst part of it was watching him go through all this, and watching my great-grandmother cry constantly because she could nothing to be by her son as much as she wanted.

There were conflicts with his "friends" and us the family, which never helped Granny or I emotionally or mentally. I do thank God for helping me through those points of this whole event, because I really do believe I could never do this alone.

A lot of prayers were done and I think my uncle and Granny were glad I was the prayerful family member for I would pray the rosary when he was not conscience and would offer to call one of the priests I know to do the anointing the sick and help the family with prayers.

Though there are many in my family who thought I was believing he was dying, that is not true, that is not the point, but I can say that my uncle might get baptized because he wants to, but is afraid at the same time. I understand and I told him that I will do whatever he wishes, and pray for him. He cries a lot around me because I stick with him and stay all day with him (except today he wanted me to spend the day at the fair and be myself) and never gave up on him.

There were other tragedies in my life, a little two year old that I prayed for passed away July 11th, 2011. Lucas Benjamin Gibney was a little boy who I old met once, but I knew about him after he was born. He has many medical problems and his grandfather (friend of my uncle's) explained to me that the doctors really did not think he would last a year. He stuck around smiling, laughing, and learning to crawl and talk. He went through transplant surgery to only have those organs be rejected and then he got ill.

But, the most interesting thing was the day before they were going to take him off the support, he went on his own. He is now with Jesus and Mary, but what life he lived and I am ever happy to know he was alive and given us a chance to meet this happy boy, I called "Baby Luke". Obituary of Baby Luke's

These past few months I have got to do other things that had a happy note to them. I went hiking with Camille, my best friend and JR, my love and future husband. Camille and I went are own path trail and JR went his way. Camille and I got caught in the down pour rain, but it was worth it, I hiked close to ten miles that whole weekend, which was GREAT!

Another great thing was went to Cincinnati, Ohio to my anniversary with JR. It has been a tradition and I hope that every year we are able to go back. We went to the Hyde Park Blast (it is a block party with a bike race) and then the next day went to Mass at St. Gertrude's (that is where Fr. LaCasse, OP is pastor, he was my pastor at St. Patrick's) and then went to King's Island (which I LOVE riding THE BEAST, I am really my Daddy's girl). The best part of the whole weekend was being with JR.

Fourth of July events were different, because I was unable to go to my hometown fireworks (had to work) and that upset me, but I got to see them from the parking lot of my work. I did go to Red, White, and BOOM with JR, Camille, Sean (Camille's brother), Kiya, Triston, Amber, Jessica, Katelynn, Mom, Aunt Tina, Uncle Terry, and other family members. It was great, but hot as hell.

Speaking of heat, have I ever wrote how much I cannot stand summer heat? Well I do and when I was at the Franklin County Fair I was so unhappy for it was SO HOT! I mean it got up to 96 but felt like 100. I get sick, boy how sick I got afterwards, but I go to the fairs cause they are really one of the few things I would go to in the summer.

What else have I done, well I did finally experience the Summer Film Series by CAPA

Well, that should be it for now, I just wanted to write a summary of what went on. Hopefully I will be more detailed and hopefully I will write more often.

God Bless,
Nikita

Holy Thursday

I have decided that when writing about the three most important days in Catholicism, I would write individual entries for each of them. So I hope everyone will understand.

Holy Thursday is the start of the Sacred Paschal Triduum, the three most important days of the year. Thanks to my supervisor I got to have the three days off (thanking her often when I see her next), so after I got out of work at 6am I went on a bus to downtown to meet up with my fiancé, JR to have breakfast. It has become our routine that every Thursday to meet up and have breakfast together.

After our breakfast together I went and found a spot to just sit and surf the internet a bit, especially since now I have gotten into reading blogs more now than ever, especially Catholic blogs. It keeps me up-to-date with what is going on in a Catholic perspective. So, thank you Catholic bloggers who write and promote the faith.

Around 1030am I was back on the bus going towards Saint Patrick’s, my home parish, because I was thinking in my head, “I have not gone to Daily Mass at all this week, I could go today”.  Nope I totally forgot that there is only an evening Mass. Thank you to the Dominican Friar whom was kind enough to remind me, and no look at me like an idiot.

So, Fr. Gregory, OP said to me after telling me the bad news that I could if I would like pray in the chapel or because for once it was a good day that I could just sit outside, all I had to do was let him know and he would unlock the parish doors for me. I was most gracious and looked at him and said, “Father, I believe I will stay outside and mediate here, but thank you.” He smiled and went on his way because the Friars have so much to do in so little time.

I sat there in front of the door, near where Jesus was located and began to mediate and I began to also write down some of my thoughts, which though it is somewhat unedited I am going to copy down for readers to read, I forewarn that this part of the entry might be grammatical incorrect, so please forgive me.

Dear Lord,

I sit outside the doors of the Church, writing to You. Not of shame, never, just taking in a kind day. I should kneel down on the entrance way and pray, but then my knees would be shot. How then would I be able to kneel and show the love and glory that is Yours?

It is Holy Thursday as You know and it reminds me of the suffering You went through the next day. I could never fully know the pain You endured. I am sicken by how much pain You endured and so many disregard what You have done for us all, not just me.

Suffering is a word I am most familiar with. Most recently I have been dealing with a type of suffering that I would like to take on so to take away the suffering of someone dear to me. Lord if You will it let me take upon the cross that is Darrell’s. I have done it before let me do it again. I know many will tell me the risks, but is it not true that Mary said “fiat” even though she knew of what would happen to her beloved Son? Could I not in turn say “yes” to the risks?

Lord I know I am rambling a bit, but comes with me one who is constantly thinking more than one thing at a time. But, today there is very little action in my head, because I can only thing of Your suffering and the suffering of my great-uncle. You know what I want to say, even if I never write them down.

Lord, You do use me as Your instrument, I am ever happy to comply. Thank you for Your infinite wisdom to allow me to keep talking to the gentlemen, for now his confession will be heard. (A/N: When I was writing there was a man trying to get in the parish thinking that his confession could be heard, as I told him about it just being an evening Mass and confession would be heard that evening Fr. Gregory was coming out of the parish doors and in turn said, “I could hear your confession”. It was a moment that I smiled and said a few thanks.)

I wonder what my true vocation is in life, I am exited when You just reveal peeks from what my vocation is to be. But only when I see You face to face will I know my vocation in whole.

That is all I wrote, it was more like ramblings, but then again, most of my letters to the Trinity have been ramblings. Still I ended it there because I was unable to write down more. I decided then it might be time to go to the Red Roof Inn, for my godmother, Camille and I were to stay the night there for JR would not be able to take us home for we (Camille and I) were doing something until midnight and he needed to go home to sleep for he had an early class.

I checked into the Red Roof and yeah wow, I love the Red Roof I had reservation at, it was nice and yet silent really, in a busy downtown area and it was walking distance from Saint Patrick’s (number one plus). I just pretty much put my stuff I had packed away and then I got myself ready for next part of the day.

Later on JR came to the Red Roof to get ready and we then picked up Camille at her job. When we all came back to the Red Roof Camille got ready and then she and I went to eat our dinner (for JR already ate and was tired and so I told him to take a nap while we went to eat, he complied, but I know he would of rather went with us). Camille and I went to Max and Erma’s and we did a great job how fast we ate because we were out of there by 6.18pm I believe. We got JR up and then we went to Saint Patrick’s.

It was packed at Saint Patrick’s and I must say I have never seen it packed that much in the now three years coming to Saint Patrick’s. The Lord’s Supper has always been amazing to me, it was the first Mass, Jesus knew He would not be with us for He was to die and be raised, in the Eucharist He is always with us.  “For as often as you eat this bread and drink the cup, you proclaim the death of the Lord until He comes.” (1 Corinthians 11:26) The washing of feet was always amazing to me as well, for He was God and He washed the feet of His disciples as a slave would have washed the feet of their master. He is as I remembered reading from one of my friend’s blogs “the servant of all”.

Once the Mass was “concluded” the Holy Eucharist is transferred out of the chapel and into Patrick’s Hall where the parishioners and Friars sing the Pange, Lingua until He is placed in tabernacle of reposition. After some quiet prayers and walking JR to his car and saying goodnight to him, I went back into the parish to meet up with a small group from 20s Group who were going to do something new that even Camille has never done, go on a seven church tour.

 What is that you ask, well it is where you go to seven parishes before midnight and pray in front of the Eucharist. James, our secretary called the seven parishes in the downtown area and asked the times they would be locking their doors. Here are the parishes we went to: Holy Cross, Scared Heart, Holy Name, Saint Francis of Assisi, and Holy Family (there was one more, but they were closed by the time we got there).

My favorite parishes we went that I highly liked that I would love to go again were: Holy Cross and Sacred Heart. Holy Cross is the oldest parish in Columbus, but the oldest Christian Church in all of Columbus as well. When you walk in you are blown away by the interior, I would love sometime to get a full on tour there and understand what everything is, the walls are painted with scenes from the New Testament. Oh I wish I had pictures to show you the beauty of this parish, maybe someday I will.

Sacred Heart I loved for two reasons. One, is the Eucharist was transferred to a small little chapel that entrance was located at the left side of the altar. It was a tiny chapel with a confessional and maybe eight pews on either side that could fit maybe twenty people in the room at a time. Second thing was when praying in front of the Eucharist at Sacred Heart, Jesus presented himself to me in a way He has been for the past few weeks, I saw through the white cloth the face of Jesus that is has been beaten and tortured.

I know many and even myself have said that it is just my eyes playing with me and yet, I cannot truly say it was my eyes because I mean I did not always see it at every parish, just at a few and even then it was when the Eucharist was right there in front of me. Jesus tends to show himself to me during Adoration too, but always of the Sacred Heart of Jesus or Divine Mercy Jesus, never the tortured face that has blood running down His face, the thorns piercing His skin, the bruising of His face, O Lord how You suffered for us!

After going all through downtown we all came back to Saint Patrick’s and was there for a Dominican tradition that I have not witnessed until this year, where they read if I am correct the Gospel of John Chapter 17. We came during the reading of the Gospel, I sat there and looked at where Jesus was and I again saw something, but not the face, not Divine Mercy, nor the Sacred Heart, but the Crucifix and I know it is not engraved on the surface of where Jesus was. It was amazing and yet, made me wonder what He is trying to tell me. He will tell me in time, for I trust in the Lord.

About four minutes before midnight Fr. Michael OP came up towards tabernacle wearing the piece of clothing that he would wear during Benediction and he took out the Eucharist and covered the Eucharist with the cloth and took Him away. At that moment I felt as if Jesus was being taken away from the Garden and lead to the Chief Priests. The tabernacle was empty; a profound moment was that I acknowledge He was not there and felt my heart ache for Him. That moment has stuck with me since.

Just a great start of the week

These past few days have been good and certainly God has graced me with these days. I have learned a lot in just a few days of not only myself, but also about other people.


Sunday was a special day for it was my little sister’s thirteenth birthday. It was heart-breaking to think my little girl was thirteen when I remember her as a little bundle being held in my arms. I remember us singing Blue Clue’s songs and teaching her that apple juice is good. I cried as I laid there next to her as she slept (for she stayed the night where I am living) and looked at her and thanked God for her. My little girl is growing up and I just hope with many prayers that she grows up as a wonderful and humble young lady.

My little sister was surprised early that morning with my Godmother and best friend coming to Mass with us. Mass was wonderful to have my Godmother, my fiancé, and my little sister to celebrate the greatest gift of all, Jesus Christ. It was the last Sunday of Lent before Holy Week. The Homilist of the Mass was a visiting Dominican Friar who would be giving a Lecture on the new translation of the Mass. The homily was beautiful and one of my favorite lines from the Friar was: “God does not need to grow and improve, but we do”.

During Communion, my little sister was given a blessing from the celebrate of the Mass, which you could see my little smiling, but still yearning for Our Lord. She wants so badly to join in full communion with Jesus and His Church, but our mother is forever stubborn and using one experience as the reason of hindering her child yearning. I ask everyone pray for my mother to open her eyes and feel the love that God has on all His children.

After Mass, my fiancé left the parish to go on a bike ride (as he put it “too nice of a day to not go for one”) and us three ladies went to my Dominican Third Order Novice class, which focus was on prayer. It went well, and got some more great reading materials to look over and digest and mediate upon. Then we all went to the Third Order meeting.

Once Vespers was finished my fiancé picked up us all and we went to Steak n’ Shake for dinner. It was fun and a good time. My little sister said she had a good day and I really hope she did. We dropped off her and then the trio went to my Godmother’s house. We took a walk afterwards and just spent time talking about the things that just needed to discuss, and random talks. The one thing I know we talked about was my learning of saying “no” to my little sister and how I treat her, which I have learned to get better than a few years prior.

Monday was a BIG day, it was my birthday. Well, it is my Church birthday, for two years on that day I was baptized and received in His Church. It is hard to imagine that just two years ago it happened, that I was reborn in grace and the devil had no hold on me. I have learned so much since that time and am fully aware of the love and mercy of God and what sacrifice Jesus did for us men. I spent the day either sleeping (due to I had to be at work 10pm-6am and I worked Sunday 10pm-6am), reading, or praying. I did renewed my bapistimal promises (as I will do again during the Easter Vigil) and as I said them I felt a calm over me and I was able to sleep peacefully. Thank you Jesus for a lovely day to be celebrating my redeem soul.

Well that is all that happened in the past two day, I am sorry it was not as elaborate as I normally write, but for some reason after writing something else my thoughts are not as clear. Well I am going back to read “God is Love” by Pope Benedict XVI.

20s Group: Bowling Night (Thursday)

On Thursday the dynamitic trio was back in action and how great it was to experience that again. JR, Camille, and I went to bowling alley that the 20s Group was meeting up at for our meeting (because the Bishop was at our parish for Confirmations, so literally the Bishop kicked us out, no kidding). We decided to go there early because we knew would not be able to stay after 9pm, so we got there around 5:44pm.


This bowling alley was great; they had a great deal where you can play for three hours plus rentals for $15 a person, which I consider a great bundle. We three decided that was a good choice for us. I need to let everyone know that I was never good at bowling, but knew how to bowl due to my grandparents who were in a bowling league at one time and so I remembered something of how to bowl well.

That night I shined for the first time because for three hours the three of us played six games and I got seven strikes and seven spares, which was pretty good for the girl who always got the gutter balls. I think possibly the best thing for me was the atmosphere between Camille, JR, and I. I had not felt like for awhile. I felt like laughing and having a good time and teasing more so then I have as well. I think both JR and Camille both noticed this.

The only thing bad was that even though I thought more of the 20s Group members would be there, there were only six of us that came. But, that is alright I guess because it gave me time to spend it with my godmother/best friend and fiancé/ best friend. JR did best both Camille and I in a combine six game score though and he had the least of strikes and spares.

Vacation, that sounds lovely...

That is what I am on, a vacation...from my job. It is wonderful to have this week to relax and not worry about sleep schedules or anything work-related. I can focus on keeping up with my Lenten promises. Which reminds me I am failing in only drinking two twenty ounces of soda pop, I think it is due to the fact it is my only source of caffine and really I love water, but the I hate the tap water at some places, bottled water taste like swimming pools, and I cannot stand flavor water. But my other Lenten promises I have kept up, but with vacation I find I can focus more on them.

For one of the things I wanted to do during Lent was to read more of my spiritual Catholic books. One of those books was: "The Story of a Soul" by St. Therese of Lisieux. When I decided to read this book I wanted to make sure I took my time on this book. Many people that I know who know me can tell you I read fast and sometimes I do not really dive into the books I skim through it instead. So, this time especially with all the Catholic books I have read before I have been slowing down to contemplate what I was reading.

Back to "The Story of a Soul", St. Therese is very witty and wonderful as a writer. I could catch onto to what she was writing about within the first few sentences of the first chapter. She reminded me of how I sometimes write my journal entries or write letters, she even reminds me of the letters John and Abigail Adams wrote to each other.

The first eight chapters really encouraged me to really dive into writing my conversion story that I have been anxious, but worried about writing. Why, many of you would ask? Well, to start it is because I fear writing down my conversion story and someone going after my grammar or spelling, and truly I just believe no one would care how Jesus taught me that He loves me so much. But, St. Therese really inspired me to think, "I need to write this, I cannot just keep this to me." Maybe, well most likely St. Therese and the Holy Spirit were working together to help me come to the decision I needed to get to.

I am not finished with the book, I am only three chapters away from being finished. But, I have to say I am finding more quotes that I love of St. Therese in chapter nine than I have really found in the first eight chapters.

"We live in the age of inventions now, and the wealthy no longer have to take the trouble to climb the stairs; they take an elevator. That is what I must find, an elevator to take me straight up to Jesus, because I am too little to climb the steep stairway of perfection." When I read that quote, I remembered a priest who spoke at the fourth annual Columbus Catholic Women's Conference this past February. It spoke true to me in so many way, that I know I can never be like some of the Saints like St. Maxmilian Kolbe, St. Dominic, St. Catherine of Siena, or Blessed Jordan of Saxony, but I can be humble and good, and so much and that would be an elevator for me.

One paragraph from chapter nine really moves me as I have never been moved except for other time, but that will be another time to speak about that. Here is the paragraph:

"She asks pardon for her brothers who do not believe. She is quite content to eat the bread of sorrow as long as You will her to. For the love You, she will sit at this table laden with the bitter food of sinners and will not rise until You give the sign. Yet in their name and in her own, may she not say: "O God, be meciful to us sinners". Send us away justified. May all in whom the light of faith shines dimly see at last. If the table they have defiled must be purified by one who loves You, I am willing to sit there alone eating nothing but the bread of tears until You choose to take me into Your Kingdom of Light. I ask only one grace--may I never offend You."

It is a powerful statement that I must contemplate even more, for I truly do not know how I shall grasp at this beautiful and moving love that St. Therese seems to had found.

I will be jumping around on this entry, just because that is me, I never could make good transitions from one subject to the next, but this is like a personal journal to me that is viewed for the public, so may God help the poor souls that decide to read my entries.

Yesterday, my fiance(JR) and I decided we were going to bake cookies for the prison ministry (something the prison ministry asks at least I think three times a year). It was a wonderful thing for me to ponder upon how can these cookies help with the ministry of those poor souls who decided to mortality sin and repenting for their sins. I remember thinking, though not deeply, but thinking that each cookie that we bring to the prison minstry cookie drive is a way to helping a poor sinner to repent and know that God's mercy is so great.

JR and I made a lot of cookies and there is still one package left for me to bake, I will most likely bake these for the 20s Group's Social Hour. It will be good to have done and if there are extras, which sometimes there are, then they will be at the house for my great-grandmother and great-uncle to chow down on. Which now that my great-uncle is home, I know that sweets and good meals are going to be something I want to do.

Well, hopefully this is not too long of an entry. Please know that I pray for all of you and if you have a certain prayer request please post a comment for me. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

~Nikita~