That is what I am on, a vacation...from my job. It is wonderful to have this week to relax and not worry about sleep schedules or anything work-related. I can focus on keeping up with my Lenten promises. Which reminds me I am failing in only drinking two twenty ounces of soda pop, I think it is due to the fact it is my only source of caffine and really I love water, but the I hate the tap water at some places, bottled water taste like swimming pools, and I cannot stand flavor water. But my other Lenten promises I have kept up, but with vacation I find I can focus more on them.
For one of the things I wanted to do during Lent was to read more of my spiritual Catholic books. One of those books was: "The Story of a Soul" by St. Therese of Lisieux. When I decided to read this book I wanted to make sure I took my time on this book. Many people that I know who know me can tell you I read fast and sometimes I do not really dive into the books I skim through it instead. So, this time especially with all the Catholic books I have read before I have been slowing down to contemplate what I was reading.
Back to "The Story of a Soul", St. Therese is very witty and wonderful as a writer. I could catch onto to what she was writing about within the first few sentences of the first chapter. She reminded me of how I sometimes write my journal entries or write letters, she even reminds me of the letters John and Abigail Adams wrote to each other.
The first eight chapters really encouraged me to really dive into writing my conversion story that I have been anxious, but worried about writing. Why, many of you would ask? Well, to start it is because I fear writing down my conversion story and someone going after my grammar or spelling, and truly I just believe no one would care how Jesus taught me that He loves me so much. But, St. Therese really inspired me to think, "I need to write this, I cannot just keep this to me." Maybe, well most likely St. Therese and the Holy Spirit were working together to help me come to the decision I needed to get to.
I am not finished with the book, I am only three chapters away from being finished. But, I have to say I am finding more quotes that I love of St. Therese in chapter nine than I have really found in the first eight chapters.
"We live in the age of inventions now, and the wealthy no longer have to take the trouble to climb the stairs; they take an elevator. That is what I must find, an elevator to take me straight up to Jesus, because I am too little to climb the steep stairway of perfection." When I read that quote, I remembered a priest who spoke at the fourth annual Columbus Catholic Women's Conference this past February. It spoke true to me in so many way, that I know I can never be like some of the Saints like St. Maxmilian Kolbe, St. Dominic, St. Catherine of Siena, or Blessed Jordan of Saxony, but I can be humble and good, and so much and that would be an elevator for me.
One paragraph from chapter nine really moves me as I have never been moved except for other time, but that will be another time to speak about that. Here is the paragraph:
"She asks pardon for her brothers who do not believe. She is quite content to eat the bread of sorrow as long as You will her to. For the love You, she will sit at this table laden with the bitter food of sinners and will not rise until You give the sign. Yet in their name and in her own, may she not say: "O God, be meciful to us sinners". Send us away justified. May all in whom the light of faith shines dimly see at last. If the table they have defiled must be purified by one who loves You, I am willing to sit there alone eating nothing but the bread of tears until You choose to take me into Your Kingdom of Light. I ask only one grace--may I never offend You."
It is a powerful statement that I must contemplate even more, for I truly do not know how I shall grasp at this beautiful and moving love that St. Therese seems to had found.
I will be jumping around on this entry, just because that is me, I never could make good transitions from one subject to the next, but this is like a personal journal to me that is viewed for the public, so may God help the poor souls that decide to read my entries.
Yesterday, my fiance(JR) and I decided we were going to bake cookies for the prison ministry (something the prison ministry asks at least I think three times a year). It was a wonderful thing for me to ponder upon how can these cookies help with the ministry of those poor souls who decided to mortality sin and repenting for their sins. I remember thinking, though not deeply, but thinking that each cookie that we bring to the prison minstry cookie drive is a way to helping a poor sinner to repent and know that God's mercy is so great.
JR and I made a lot of cookies and there is still one package left for me to bake, I will most likely bake these for the 20s Group's Social Hour. It will be good to have done and if there are extras, which sometimes there are, then they will be at the house for my great-grandmother and great-uncle to chow down on. Which now that my great-uncle is home, I know that sweets and good meals are going to be something I want to do.
Well, hopefully this is not too long of an entry. Please know that I pray for all of you and if you have a certain prayer request please post a comment for me. Thank you for reading and God Bless.
~Nikita~
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