20s Group Member Talk that sticks with you.

"Death is the end of earthly life. Our lives are measured by time, in the course of which we changed, grow old and, as with all living beings on earth, death seems like the normal end of life. The aspect of death lends urgency to our lives: remembering our mortality helps us realize that we have only a limited time in which to bring our lives to fulfillment: 'remember also your Creator in the days of your youth,...before the dust returns to the earth as it was and the spirit returns to God who gave it'" (CCC 1007)

Last night was a memorable talk by one of the members of the Saint Patrick's 20s Group. Dave (that is the member who gave the talk, just so you all know) gave a talk about dealing with death as a cancer doctor, but dealing with death as a Catholic. It hit home for me, with Darrell, my great-uncle who has been dealing with cancer(s) since 2007.

One of the many things I liked about the talk was Dave had handouts with quotes from the Catechism dealing with certain aspects of his talk. There were a few that stood out from the rest because they stood testament for how I observed my great-uncle's sufferings:

"Illness and suffering have always been among the gravest problems confronted in human life. In illness, man experiences his powerlessness, his limitations, and his finitude. Every illness can make us glimpse death. Illness can lead to anguish, self-absorption, sometimes even despair and revolt against God. It can also make a person more mature, helping him discern his life what is not essential so that he can turn toward that which is. Very often illness provokes a search for God and a return to him." (CCC 1500-1501)

I have watched a larger-than-life man in my family turn into a man who will look at his great-niece and say, "I don't want to go to hell". In turn you ask, 'what can I do to help this man?' and the answer for me does not only come from this talk, but from how I know the Holy Spirit has worked in me. It is through prayer and listening (as Dave reminded us through the whole talk). For me it is not praying for them to live, it is prayer to help them with their sufferings, to offer it up to God (as I have always been told by my godmother). I have become the example of helping my great-uncle I do not allow him to sit there and wallow in his sorrows because he has hope, whether it is hope in living longer and cancer-free or hope in having a "beautiful death".

What is a beautiful death, this is more of after the talk with Dave, when he explained what he considers a "beautiful death". If you notice the picture above, which is after I looked and looked is titled, "Death of St. Joseph" Dave considered this a beautiful death, he was surrounded by Jesus, Mary, and the angels, for those who are dying it is their family surrounding them as they pass on, knowing that they are praying for them and loving them, holding their hands. That is a beautiful death, and I only pray that my great-uncle whether dying in an hospital bed before the age of 60 or dying in his own bed at the age 99 he will have this moment. I pray for everyone to have that, I pray I will have that.

I only left once during the whole talk to rush into the bathroom and cry for I knew I could not keep that straight face any longer. I should of ran to the chapel, which I wanted to, but I did not want to worry JR or anyone else. I think Dave and others who know me well in the 20s Group knew this talk hit home.

One of the final things that I took home from this talk and my personal talk with Dave was this, "To pray, to love, and to listen", but we should not only do that for someone who is dying or ill we should do this for every human person from their natural conception to natural death. It is the true call to being pro-life, in my opinion.

God bless and pray for me,

Nikita

How long has it been.

I think it has been far too long since my last entry, but there were reasons and just every time I felt the urge to write the entry, I would lose the words and unable to think how to explain what was going on. I mean I started six entries and deleted them all. It was just a difficult time for me, and my family really.

So, question is, what happened in those two months that caused the hiatus with writing? Well, on May 13th was going to his doctor's appointment and the doctor told him to go to the hospital because there should no reason for him to this sick. So that day my uncle was take to the hospital ER.

To put a long story short, my uncle is really bad off his bowel has explored and he was so low in nutrition he bad was shutting down. So, for the past two months he went from SICU to specialty wing to a nursing home. There are many details I am refusing to post on here because I do not have permission from my uncle and since we feel there is a Mal-practice the less amount of information posted online the better.

The worst part of it was watching him go through all this, and watching my great-grandmother cry constantly because she could nothing to be by her son as much as she wanted.

There were conflicts with his "friends" and us the family, which never helped Granny or I emotionally or mentally. I do thank God for helping me through those points of this whole event, because I really do believe I could never do this alone.

A lot of prayers were done and I think my uncle and Granny were glad I was the prayerful family member for I would pray the rosary when he was not conscience and would offer to call one of the priests I know to do the anointing the sick and help the family with prayers.

Though there are many in my family who thought I was believing he was dying, that is not true, that is not the point, but I can say that my uncle might get baptized because he wants to, but is afraid at the same time. I understand and I told him that I will do whatever he wishes, and pray for him. He cries a lot around me because I stick with him and stay all day with him (except today he wanted me to spend the day at the fair and be myself) and never gave up on him.

There were other tragedies in my life, a little two year old that I prayed for passed away July 11th, 2011. Lucas Benjamin Gibney was a little boy who I old met once, but I knew about him after he was born. He has many medical problems and his grandfather (friend of my uncle's) explained to me that the doctors really did not think he would last a year. He stuck around smiling, laughing, and learning to crawl and talk. He went through transplant surgery to only have those organs be rejected and then he got ill.

But, the most interesting thing was the day before they were going to take him off the support, he went on his own. He is now with Jesus and Mary, but what life he lived and I am ever happy to know he was alive and given us a chance to meet this happy boy, I called "Baby Luke". Obituary of Baby Luke's

These past few months I have got to do other things that had a happy note to them. I went hiking with Camille, my best friend and JR, my love and future husband. Camille and I went are own path trail and JR went his way. Camille and I got caught in the down pour rain, but it was worth it, I hiked close to ten miles that whole weekend, which was GREAT!

Another great thing was went to Cincinnati, Ohio to my anniversary with JR. It has been a tradition and I hope that every year we are able to go back. We went to the Hyde Park Blast (it is a block party with a bike race) and then the next day went to Mass at St. Gertrude's (that is where Fr. LaCasse, OP is pastor, he was my pastor at St. Patrick's) and then went to King's Island (which I LOVE riding THE BEAST, I am really my Daddy's girl). The best part of the whole weekend was being with JR.

Fourth of July events were different, because I was unable to go to my hometown fireworks (had to work) and that upset me, but I got to see them from the parking lot of my work. I did go to Red, White, and BOOM with JR, Camille, Sean (Camille's brother), Kiya, Triston, Amber, Jessica, Katelynn, Mom, Aunt Tina, Uncle Terry, and other family members. It was great, but hot as hell.

Speaking of heat, have I ever wrote how much I cannot stand summer heat? Well I do and when I was at the Franklin County Fair I was so unhappy for it was SO HOT! I mean it got up to 96 but felt like 100. I get sick, boy how sick I got afterwards, but I go to the fairs cause they are really one of the few things I would go to in the summer.

What else have I done, well I did finally experience the Summer Film Series by CAPA

Well, that should be it for now, I just wanted to write a summary of what went on. Hopefully I will be more detailed and hopefully I will write more often.

God Bless,
Nikita

Vacation, that sounds lovely...

That is what I am on, a vacation...from my job. It is wonderful to have this week to relax and not worry about sleep schedules or anything work-related. I can focus on keeping up with my Lenten promises. Which reminds me I am failing in only drinking two twenty ounces of soda pop, I think it is due to the fact it is my only source of caffine and really I love water, but the I hate the tap water at some places, bottled water taste like swimming pools, and I cannot stand flavor water. But my other Lenten promises I have kept up, but with vacation I find I can focus more on them.

For one of the things I wanted to do during Lent was to read more of my spiritual Catholic books. One of those books was: "The Story of a Soul" by St. Therese of Lisieux. When I decided to read this book I wanted to make sure I took my time on this book. Many people that I know who know me can tell you I read fast and sometimes I do not really dive into the books I skim through it instead. So, this time especially with all the Catholic books I have read before I have been slowing down to contemplate what I was reading.

Back to "The Story of a Soul", St. Therese is very witty and wonderful as a writer. I could catch onto to what she was writing about within the first few sentences of the first chapter. She reminded me of how I sometimes write my journal entries or write letters, she even reminds me of the letters John and Abigail Adams wrote to each other.

The first eight chapters really encouraged me to really dive into writing my conversion story that I have been anxious, but worried about writing. Why, many of you would ask? Well, to start it is because I fear writing down my conversion story and someone going after my grammar or spelling, and truly I just believe no one would care how Jesus taught me that He loves me so much. But, St. Therese really inspired me to think, "I need to write this, I cannot just keep this to me." Maybe, well most likely St. Therese and the Holy Spirit were working together to help me come to the decision I needed to get to.

I am not finished with the book, I am only three chapters away from being finished. But, I have to say I am finding more quotes that I love of St. Therese in chapter nine than I have really found in the first eight chapters.

"We live in the age of inventions now, and the wealthy no longer have to take the trouble to climb the stairs; they take an elevator. That is what I must find, an elevator to take me straight up to Jesus, because I am too little to climb the steep stairway of perfection." When I read that quote, I remembered a priest who spoke at the fourth annual Columbus Catholic Women's Conference this past February. It spoke true to me in so many way, that I know I can never be like some of the Saints like St. Maxmilian Kolbe, St. Dominic, St. Catherine of Siena, or Blessed Jordan of Saxony, but I can be humble and good, and so much and that would be an elevator for me.

One paragraph from chapter nine really moves me as I have never been moved except for other time, but that will be another time to speak about that. Here is the paragraph:

"She asks pardon for her brothers who do not believe. She is quite content to eat the bread of sorrow as long as You will her to. For the love You, she will sit at this table laden with the bitter food of sinners and will not rise until You give the sign. Yet in their name and in her own, may she not say: "O God, be meciful to us sinners". Send us away justified. May all in whom the light of faith shines dimly see at last. If the table they have defiled must be purified by one who loves You, I am willing to sit there alone eating nothing but the bread of tears until You choose to take me into Your Kingdom of Light. I ask only one grace--may I never offend You."

It is a powerful statement that I must contemplate even more, for I truly do not know how I shall grasp at this beautiful and moving love that St. Therese seems to had found.

I will be jumping around on this entry, just because that is me, I never could make good transitions from one subject to the next, but this is like a personal journal to me that is viewed for the public, so may God help the poor souls that decide to read my entries.

Yesterday, my fiance(JR) and I decided we were going to bake cookies for the prison ministry (something the prison ministry asks at least I think three times a year). It was a wonderful thing for me to ponder upon how can these cookies help with the ministry of those poor souls who decided to mortality sin and repenting for their sins. I remember thinking, though not deeply, but thinking that each cookie that we bring to the prison minstry cookie drive is a way to helping a poor sinner to repent and know that God's mercy is so great.

JR and I made a lot of cookies and there is still one package left for me to bake, I will most likely bake these for the 20s Group's Social Hour. It will be good to have done and if there are extras, which sometimes there are, then they will be at the house for my great-grandmother and great-uncle to chow down on. Which now that my great-uncle is home, I know that sweets and good meals are going to be something I want to do.

Well, hopefully this is not too long of an entry. Please know that I pray for all of you and if you have a certain prayer request please post a comment for me. Thank you for reading and God Bless.

~Nikita~