And so the first fifteen minutes of my birthday I felt content and like I mentioned above to have high hopes. It did not last long and instead of going into deep details about it, I will just give you a few of the main points. First, I felt that whatever this party was, it was an excuse for certain people to cuddle and have their time. (I am not saying that JR had that in mind too, but I was thinking later in the morning, not even before it hits 2am) With that being said, that entail bring second, I began to feel no self worth and went straight back into the girl who is has been there while the TRUE me will hide away. I felt feelings that I have not tried to bring back since I was at least seventeen, and it scared me. Which brings me to the finally point, I was happy that JR found me before I did do something I would regret.
Once I finally calmed myself down and JR held me enough I finally gave way to sleep, feeling I cried so much that my energy was zapped from me. When I woke up, I still felt my birthday was truly never my birthday, the birthday was only for two hours (well not even an hour). It was after awhile and much pulling of my teeth that I finally broke down and told my godmother my feelings, one thing I do not want to do is hurt her feelings and even as I told her, she was not feeling good, for her stomach something decided not to settle well. She with all her honesty told me that she had planned nothing that happened in the early hours, she actually had a plan. What a way to make myself feel worst (which I did not tell her) and after awhile I finally sat next to her.
What most people do not understand is that Camille is a mother hen, older sister, best friend, and godmother all wrapped in one, the one thing that she has done that for most would think is weird, but I find comforting and what is needed, is she will give me hugs, let me cry on her shoulders, or just hold one of my hands as I tell her what bothers me. It is something that I do not think I could do with any other person other than well my future husband, JR and my own little sister, Kiya. Afterwards, JR and I left for Mass, I felt an ease off my shoulders, but question is was that good or bad?
To collect my thoughts and give you a run down of the rest of the day goes as the following:
- Went to Mass and made it before the opening hymn.
- Went to the Columbus Museum of Arts with JR, Br. Humbert (a friend who was home), Ted, and Emily. It was a lot of fun actually got to see some amazing works and saw things that I never noticed until looking at them closely, but I have learned I am more a fan of traditional art, and that might need to be another blog entry sometime soon.
- Went to Applebees, which before that I got my present from JR's Aunt and Uncle from Texas and I got a new wallet. While at Applebees I received a free desert and a happy birthday song. It was something I am NOT use to AT ALL. Great server too!
- Went to Easton and I bought a few things.
- Hot Topic: A Ninja Turtles Sweater Jacket (50% off)
- Barnes & Noble: YOUCAT, The second installment of the "The Outlander" Series, and finally State Fair (1945 version) to which I would like write a blog about that too.
Once JR and I did all that we came back to home (my home) and yeah, that is all.
God Bless and Happy New Year,
Ms. Nikita, OP