I went to Saint Patrick’s earlier than I was thinking I was going to, but that was because I stayed near the bus-stop that I needed to be at. When I finally settled in the normal spot I sit for almost all Masses, I began to think a lot and wrote in what I consider my all-around Catholic journal. I thought a lot about how sometimes I am a little too honest and it can bother people that I am honest especially dealing with modesty, because being a plus-size woman I do not like revealing everything to the public and I do not believe any body type should, but that is my opinion and I am not going to get into that because I wish not sound like a nagging woman, which I know I can be a lot if given the chance on certain things.
But, I also thought about the depression (I have post-traumatic stress) and how it affects me especially lately. I wish to talk to Camille and my spiritual director because you see I have gone to therapy and it has never worked really and not because I try it is because they treat you really like a group case really, and you not different from others, and they honestly put you on some type of meds really quickly thinking it will help (should tell everyone it never did for me). As I thought upon that I am constantly reminded of what Jesus endured on Good Friday and every time I think of that I honestly start to think I can pull through because I cannot hold on to this self-pity crap when the Lord when through so much for ME and for others. So, I must keep up with the prayers and examine really myself more, but please if anyone would please pray for me through this for I need it.
Today the celebrate of Mass was Fr. Gregory, I am finding he hits a cord for me with almost every homily he has given in the past time he has been at the parish, and he is a newly ordained priest, I hope that his homilies never cease to hit the cord. One of my favorite quotes was: “You do not need faith to believe Jesus was man, and you do not need faith to believe Jesus was God, but you do need faith that Jesus is both God and Man.” Something that has always I think bothered the minds of all Christians, but if they see through the eyes of faith, they see, even if they cannot fully give a manual of what is going on, they know the Truth. Jesus is Man and God and He never was just Man and He was never just God either, He is both and is the Christ.
One my other favorite quotes were, when he opened their minds to ‘Understand Christ’ through Scripture it meant “Understanding Christ is where Christ is on every page”. He fulfilled all that was prophesizes and said of the Christ, so it reminded me of what my Daddy said to me when I said I was becoming Catholic and though he is not Catholic he told me, “Read the New Testament and then the Old Testament for then you will see the fulfillment of Christ.”
After Mass I stayed after to recite the Rosary which is always done after Mass at Saint Patrick’s. There are two older parishioners who I pray for, especially the elderly lady for I fear she has many health issues and they recite the Rosary all the time. It was nice for once reciting the Rosary with a community and not alone like I have been doing, even if I like when I am alone. Once we finished reciting the Rosary and the prayers that the parishioners add at the end the two elderly parishioners thanked me for staying for the Rosary, I told them thank you for reciting the Rosary. The Rosary is a powerful tool in prayer; it is literally a mediation of the Life of Jesus through the eyes of His Mother. I have always like the Rosary and found that it really helped with my understanding of Jesus’ ministry and even more how much suffering He went through and how much His Mother went through and how she was to become our Spiritual Mother, which I am every grateful for really.
I left Saint Patrick’s and went back towards OSU Main Campus to meet up with JR, while I waited for JR I had some lunch and really hated my computer at the time, it is getting old and I feel it is coming time to get a new one, which I am thinking looking at renting from Rent-A-Center or something, I know there is interest, but I mean if I plan say $50 a week or something, I do not think it would kill me so much, it doesn’t help that I am thinking of getting another job, I mean so I do not know. Just need to start pulling things off of here so they are with me and not lost forever you know.
Around 3pm finally JR and I met up and we started off to go pick up Camille for tonight was 20s Group. Once we picked up Camille we went towards Polaris and we first went to Kroger and then after not much of twisting arms we ventured down to Lane Byrant, which is my favorite store because I can actually find things in my size and though it is pricey I can buy a few things at a time and then wait for clearance, literally sometime I can get out of there with four outfits for under $100.
At Lane Byrant I found a lot of new things that I would love to have, sometimes I wish I had the ability to just advance paychecks or something so I can buy as much as I want, but oh well cannot have everything, right? Out of it all I got technically four outfits (because you can switch the shirts and pants) and thanks to Camille she bought one of the shirts, which I am every thankful for. The one thing Camille is trying to literally to get me to do is to expand on my colors, for live for black and do not go for anything else, so she literally got me to look at other colors I could not look at black at all. It was difficult because I just never think colors work for me, but in the end she won out I got a new green shirt and a dark sky blue shirt and two pairs of crops. One of the things I told her next to do is to get my hair re-layered and trimmed, and soon I have not gotten it cut in over two years, I like the length I just want it changed a little, no color added to though, I hate thinking of dying my hair.
I think the best part of Lane Byrant was they started up that if you buy $50 worth of stuff then you get a $25 off a $50 purchase coupon for a future date, I got two, almost three really. I think if I talk to Camille and JR I could go to Lane Byrant next week and get $50 again of clothing or something and get another coupon.
We left Lane Byrant to go to Red Lobster (even if I am not able to eat seafood, they at least have chicken and steak). We did a good job not to kill our budget because I know I hate doing that, I thank Camille for paying for most of the dinner that night, and I owe her.
20s Group started with Holy Hour at 7pm, which was wonderful, moments to stay calm and just speak to the Lord in silence, which I think soon parishioners who are not part of 20s Group will come to Holy Hour and that in turn I believe is great and amazing and all are welcome to join us for Holy Hour. That is my opinion and that might bring more who are in their twenties (or late teens and early thirties) to want to come to the actually part of the meeting.
This Thursday was Gospel Study and it was for the Gospel Reading for this coming Sunday, which is Divine Sunday and the beautification of Venerable John Paul II. This reading is one of MY FAVORITES. It is about Doubting Thomas; I can identify with Thomas so much because he did not believe unless he saw and so many including myself at one or have always never believed in anything unless we saw it with our own two eyes no matter what. Doubting Thomas is that relating to others who do not believe that Jesus has risen.
After 20s Group the trio as I call JR, Camille, and I discussed this reading because we were not in the same groups (they were in the same group, I was sent to the other) and I said, “Camille you know this is my favorite story.” And she replied, “That was what I was thinking because it was one of the stories that really helped you during your conversion.” It is true, I went to an Adult Bible Study at Camille’s home parish and that was one of the stories that were discussed and out all of them that was my favorite.
Well, that is all from Thursday, sorry if it was short and not very in detail like I normally write, but maybe next time.