I think way too much but can never write much

I have learned quite simply that I think absolutely too much. I say this in regard to my constant problem to sleep at night (or morning sometimes due to work). I cannot seem to let go of the thoughts in my head. At worst is there just seems to be no way of getting them out of my head some days. I think that God allows that for maybe the reason I need to contemplate the thoughts more to ripen them and be able to say with confidence that I am thinking this. Then again it could be that I am so scared and terrorifed that my thoughts are stupid that I keep them in and the Holy Spirit is trying to tell me that “no they need to be spoken”. One can never tell, but neverless I am ever thankful to God for blessing me the grace to think as deep as I do.


Where did this come from? Well, quite frankly (people who know that part of the quote did I make you finish it. Do not worry a co-worker this morning said, “Free at Last, Free at Last” and I literally without missing a beat said, “Thank God Almighty we are free at last”) I started having this happen when I was little and would lay in my toddler like crib and those few memories I had were of just laying there and thinking and I would have no reason to think.

The mind, no matter what anyone says, is beautiful and literally amazing and so complex. But, the best part is to examine each persons’ mind many found it to be unique, and that is God’s grace and that is why I thank Him for it. So, what was I thinking today that cause this entry to be written, it would probably be the fact I had just watched the rest of the documentary of Mark Twain. When I was younger I actually read “Tom Sawyer” but that has been over ten years or so. Listening to the quotes of Mark Twain from his letters, journals, books, and newspaper articles I have a desire to read his works again.

But the kicker of the documentary is about his dark years with of the tragedy. I felt so sorry for the man who was a genius in the arts of writing the spoken language. I understand cruelties of death can do to a human, but why blame God? I sat there and thought about myself in my childhood and through those dark years I wondered did I ever blame God. I kept thinking and you know what happened? I found myself saying literally a flat out “NO”. It is hard to explain and every harder to not give details of my past (which as this time I do not want to discuss) and so I can say I am going to be difficult at justifiy how I could just say no.