Thursday, December 22, 2011

Have you ever been at a low point and it is just morning?

I really wish I had Internet at home at times, because I would actually get more involved not only on this blog, but the other blogs I am associated with. Other reasons is I could actually keep myself up-to-date with what is going on in the world. I know many would say, well that is what radio, television, and newspapers are for, but when you do not have a lot of options for getting good sources of news and opinions you kind of just want to escape from looking at any of it.

Certainly today I am at a low, it might be just for the major fact that there has been nothing but constant cold rain, when there should be snow. I know, I know you all are happy there is no snow, well quite frankly it is my favorite season, winter. I am telling you I am not that depressed, I promise you that during winter season, if it feels like snow. Watching "White Christmas" truly takes on the weather pattern of the Central Ohio area.

Another reason I am at a low is that I am missing JR, a lot! When Camille confirmed that she was visiting her boyfriend (a good friend of mine and JR's too), I literally felt alone. She tried her best to remind me that when JR and I first started dating we saw each other a lot, well why don't we see each other more often now.

I think a lot about how Abigail and John Adams felt when they, too felt alone. I know that many would say how will deal with military life, right? Personally, I do not think it will bother me, because I know he will be coming home a certain amount time. He will be coming home to me, not alone. I can handle that and long for those moments and best yet, once married, our children will be that foundation that I need to hang in there and find joy for they will remind me of the love that is shared between JR and I.

But, for right now, I am utterly at my low point and it is not like I am angry at God, heavens no! Actually, sometimes I think when I am at this low the Holy Spirits works a lot in me especially when I write. I just ask for prayers that I get through this day, without crying, without reaching out and having envy surround me, when I would rather have love. I want to be able to not snap at those whom I love that are going through hell right now, when they need me most, when others forget them.

Before I leave this entry, I have good news, surgeon said my great-uncle can go through surgery and so on January 5th, I will be sitting in the waiting room with my computer waiting for the wonderful news that my great-uncle is truly on his way of recovery. That means more time to write as well, unless something happens, I pray not.

God Bless,
Ms. Nikita, OP

2 comments:

J.R. said...

My dearest friend, I am sorry that you feel alone! I do know that feeling of missing one's better half! I wish that I were with you right now. I WILL see you later tonight. Just start counting down the hours.I will be over in no time at all. 8.5 hours and counting!

Laura said...

I have an obsessive, clingy personality. One of the hardest things for me to learn (and I'm still trying to learn it) is how to be satisfied with myself as my own entity. Outside of any relationship with anyone else, I am me. Who am I? What do I want? What makes me happy? What do I like to do when it's just me and no one else? I'm beginning to realize that developing a self-identity is crucial to a successful relationship. Couples shouldn't be two halves coming together as a whole, they should be two whole individuals (made whole by God) joining together as one flesh. So, who are you, Nikita Rhea Maria Goretti Phillips?

Of course you miss him, that's normal and expected. He is his own person as well; let him be him. At least you have him, and he has you.